My Birth Plan

So I know it's really early to be thinking about this but bear with me. I've been pregnant on and off for almost a year now, over ten months at least, and there are a lot of things I've been thinking about. Today I went through a pre-made birth plan checklist and it terrified me. it detailed every possible thing that could go wrong and at the end I didn't feel like I was gaining control over my own situation, I felt helpless and vulnerable. I was not a fan of that process. I think for my birth plan short and sweet will be the basic idea (hopefully of labor too.) Having been through child birth before I think I'm definitely at an advantage when it comes to knowing what I do and do not want. I keep looking at samples of birth plans and they remind me of bad poetry. How can anyone expect busy nurses and doctors to find time to read that? I couldn't even read it and I was in my pajamas watching Betty watch Dragon Tales. I wasn't exactly pressed for time. Here's my basic idea of what I want it to say although I'm sure I'll tweak it in the next 26 weeks.

Birth Plan 2014

I understand that labor is something I can not control but I do have a few preferences. Thank you for reading through each of them.

• I would like ONLY the people I request in the room before and during labor. If anyone else comes by I don't even want to know about it until after delivery.
• I would like to be notified before any surgical procedure (episiotomy) unless there isn't time because of medical necessity. I understand that it is likely I will have to have another episiotomy - if I do, please, please, PLEASE trim the thread from the sutures so that it doesn't get caught in my clothing. That was awful.
• I would like the lights dimmed and all people in the room to speak in soft tones.
• Please don't offer me a mirror. I don't want to see anything I can't unsee.
• Please don't offer me drugs, and if I ask for them please try and talk me out of them if that's legal. If drugs do become part of the picture, please only mention the least intense option.
• I would like to listen to music - we'll bring it.
• I don't want to hear a single cell phone buzz, beep or ring. I can't be responsible for what happens to your phone if someone calls you, they can wait and so can you. For my designated people, please make sure your family has the hospital number and have the nurses pass you a note. It is extremely important that there are no cell phones in that room!
• I would like to be reminded to remove any articles of clothing that will get in the way of skin to skin after birth.
• I would like to help catch the baby and then transfer him or her right to my chest.
• I would like to be mostly unaware of anyone other than my child and my husband after birth. If all unnecessary persons would please leave afterward I would really appreciate it.
• I don't want to be separated from my baby until after he or she has nursed on both sides.
• I would like to wait as long as we can before putting the gunk in baby's eyes so that we can bond. Not too long of course, safety first.
• I don't want my baby to spend any time at all outside of my room or my sight if possible. If the baby needs to leave my husband needs to be present at all times.
• I would like to have a birthing tub, a birthing bar and a birthing ball available to me during labor.
• I would really appreciate being walked through each step of what's happening and all of my options. Assume I know absolutely nothing about what's going on. It's pretty close to the truth.