Monday, March 25, 2013

Pity Party

So National Infertility Awareness Week is coming up in April (yes this is a little early for that but it's long overdue for me.) I'm going to take a moment here to talk about infertility and loss of pregnancy. I usually try to keep this blog pretty upbeat but this won't be very peppy so bear with me.

It sucks.
Trying to conceive a baby and failing is hard. It's frustrating, it's emotionally exhausting, it's overwhelming, confusing, depressing and stressful. It's fresh mourning every single month and dealing with all of this is completely isolating. Going through a miscarriage after struggling with infertility is crushing. The people closest to you can't empathise because they never knew the child you've lost but, as it's mother, your bond was immediate and powerful and it doesn't go away. It's lonely because it's unfair to expect anyone to know how to react when you talk about it. people understand death. they don't understand loss of pregnancy. It's not real to anybody but you. So all your mourning is in private and you learn to tolerate insensitive remarks and questions from well-meaning people around you.

"It will happen when you stop trying."

"At least you have one child."

"I'm sorry, I know how badly you wanted this."

They hand out pampthlets and books and fliers when you become pregnant but nothing is given to you when you have a miscarriage. Apparently "What to Expect when you're no Longer Expecting" would not look as good on a doctor's office shelf... but it would have been helpful.

The main things I've learned are that it's always okay to cry about it - that's healthy. And it's not necessary to feel obligated to talk about it with everyone. You shouldn't talk about it with some people until you've gotten your emotional bearings again because, even though they mean well, they'll only make you feel worse. Good news though, you do get your emotional bearings back.

On The NIAW website it says;

Since 1989 RESOLVE has organized National Infertility Awareness Week®. Now we ask you to help us and join the movement to...
  • Bring infertility support groups to every community.
  • Increase and protect access to all family building options.
  • Help change the conversation about infertility
If you're struggling with infertility or with the loss of a pregnancy you don't have to do it alone. Go to this website, find a support group, email me! There are people out there who understand.


  1. You should put this information in the local paper and at the local doctors and OB unit. You have a lovely way of expressing yourself, said very eloquently. It is a topic that touches many families, however people do not know how to talk about and feel awkward and avoid it.

  2. Awww, Brenna, I'm sorry you are still dealing with this. I do know how you feel. As I told you before I too lost one and it took me a very long time getting pregnant for each one. I think the disappoinment each month was the worse thing to go through for me. I was also told "you're trying too hard" - hated that one! Keep your chin up, keep plugging along, keep talking to God - He'll help you through this.
    Cindy (Kylie's neighbor)


Thank you for your happy thoughts