Milestone Moment

Meet Amelia!

This precious little bundle rolled over today (at the adorable age of 4 months, 3 weeks and 4 days old.)

Yippee, Little Mila. great Job!

She is so sweet and happy - I severely wish we were able to see her more often - although Betty would never allow her to have full reign of her own thumbs.

Milestone Moment!

Meet Baby Aila!

Let me take this moment to brag about our precious little niece. Last Wednesday (at the adorable age of 3 months, 3 weeks and 5 days old) Baby Aila Rolled over for the very first time!

 Hooray, Aila! Great Job! Won't be long now before your mommy is chasing you all over the house.

It's hard to believe that by the time we actually meet her for the first time she will likely be sitting up and at least scooting, if not crawling, herself all around to explore. They just grow up so darn fast, don't they?

Week 24

 

Week 23

 

 

Food Cravings:  Still feeling more aversions. I really want cookies and cookie dough. My main worry is getting enough food. We completely did away with naps for Betty but now we all go to bed at like 8 or 8:30 and Betty and I sleep until 9:30 the next day. Today we slept until 11:00!!! I worry about not eating in that time period and then I'm just not all that hungry and I stress out. Today I ate an orange, 2 big bowls of cereal, 3 hard boiled eggs and a huge bowl of mac n' cheese with tuna and peas. not the most balanced diet.

 

Maternity Clothes: This week one of my maternity tank tops was uncomfortably snug. I had to roll it up over my belly.

 

Movement: She's been really active recently. I love it.

 

 

Best Moments: Betty sings to the baby to try and get her to kick her hand. She stops and stares at my belly, gets really quiet and says "Can I please let go now, mommy." Cracks me up - "of course you can, Betty."

 

 

Coordination: Non-existant. I feel really clumsy. I fell down the stairs the other day. I landed on my feet but I really hurt my foot. I keep kicking my bed frame on accident and hard. When my foot hit it the other day the rest of my body didn's stop walking and my whole body flew forward. I caught myself on the wall but jammed a bunch of fingers in the process. I also keep dropping things... everything.

 

Other Symptoms: My pelvis is really sore - like it was during the last month of my first pregnancy. and I feel like my tailbone has separated. I have awful heartburn and I keep getting dehydrated no matter how much I drink.

 

People's Reaction: It seemed like people's reaction to me has changed really quickly. I used to get sideways glances in the grocery store and I could tell people noticed but they weren't 100% sure so they didn't dare say anything. Now I get people going "oh goodness!" oh "Oh Wow!" when they first spot me. I'm pretty proud of that.

 

 

Differences From 1st Pregnancy: I'm measuring right on track. With Betty I was always measuring just a tiny bit small. My due date changed 3 different times. I keep expecting that but this baby is measuring right on track. I know I started showing a lot sooner this time but I really think this baby is just going to be bigger than Betty was.

 

Exercise: This week it's not happening at all. I wanted to start a prenatal yoga class but I can't find one. and usually Betty and I go to the pool two to three times a week but that's not happening this week. I'm pretty much a complete couch potato other than some dancing and some squats.

 



My Sunday Best // 24 Weeks and 2 Days

 

Please excuse the little sliver of mess you can see in the background. My energy levels are at an all-time low recently. This outfit was most definitely way too cold to wear on Sunday. It was a bitter cold and I did not have on enough layers. I do really like the dress though - it's thrifted. I think I got the sweater online but I can't remember where and the leggings came from walgreens of all places. 9.99. I generally hate tights of all kinds but these were surprisingly comfy.

My Sunday Best! ( 5 Days Late.)

 

I have Pants!!! These are hand-me-downs from my friend meg and a shirt I bought from target a year ago (not maternity.) Also my beloved bola ball. I love that thing.

 

Still not feeling super stylish but I at least feel comfortable again!

 

 

 

Week 23

 

 

23 Weeks (and 6 days)

Weight gain/loss: I think ultimately I weigh 8 pounds more than I did before I got pregnant. I lost ten pounds and I gained them back... so I've now gained 18 pounds? That can't be right.

 

Maternity Clothes: Finally got some that fit! I can wear pants now which is super helpful as it's November in Maine. I'm on the lookout for a nice sweater though but my high school sports sweatshirts are working so far. Eep.

 

Stretch Marks: No new ones but my old ones are definitely more pronounced.

 

Sleep: A little better in that my dreams have calmed down a tad. Worse in that I'm super uncomfortable. I feel like whole parts of me turn to stone when I sleep and my upper back is incredibly painful.

 

Best Moment This Week:  Anytime Betty cries the baby starts kicking. It's kind of sweet - They're bonding already.

 

Food Cravings: Everything bad for me. Worse are the aversions... to all meat. My doctor told me that I should avoid meat and cheese because a plant based diet is healthier for pregnancy. today I ate a bunch of cereal, an orange and three pieces of cheese pizza. I'm super going to swell up again.

 

Movement: She's been relatively calm the last few days but still kicking around in there.

What I'm Looking Forward to: Thanksgiving! and announcing the middle name we've picked.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Betty's Fourth Halloween

Betty wanted to be Weezy from dragon tales for Halloween. We borrowed this costume from a friend of a friend for Halloween. Betty was so excited until everyone thought she was a dinosaur, and specifically, Barney. A lot of sweet home owners received the brunt of my toddler's scorn on that rainy night. the costume soaked up water like crazy but luckily we live in a super exciting Halloween neighborhood and we were all in bed by 8:15. Chad was a Viking. Nobody got it... he doesn't watch dragon tales - to his credit, probably.


Here are all of her other Halloween pictures!  Her first Halloween she was a teddy bear, her second she was Betty crocker, her third she was a bacon cheeseburger and now she's Weezy the dragon. They grow up so fast!

The Nesting Bug

As I'm sure you've gathered by now I am pregnant again. We know she's a little girl and we already know her name. I'm officially 5 months pregnant today at just shy of 22 weeks and I've been gathering baby things for a while now. It's exciting and nerve wracking but I know I need to celebrate every day and so I am... by preparing. I thought I'd share the pieces I'm most excited about. Some are on my registry and some I have already. let me know what you think!

 

1. Petunia Pickle Bottom Boxy Backpack - Holiday in Hague. I saw a woman using the changing pad on this in the Juneau Airport and have wanted one ever since. It's truly genius! the front panel zips down into a full changing pad with pockets for diapers and wipes. the backpack straps and messenger strap unclip so you can choose which to use and the inside pocket comes off with Velcro. I worry a little bit about how the Velcro and the zippers will hold up as they're attached to more delicate fabric but that could just be because the exterior is so tough and sturdy. I've seen plenty of women still carrying these when their babies are no longer babies. either way it's crazy cute and amazingly functional... I'm already using it.

 

2. Lassig Lela Teether. This thing is really cute. I love the Sophie the Giraffe teether because I love all things French but I never loved it enough to register for it or buy it but I both registered for and gave in and bought this cutie already. Who doesn't love a baby deer? plus it's all natural rubber and it's German. Like I said, I love anything French but it was still super fun to get this toy in the mail and see the details all written in German... The baby will be 1/8th German after all.

 

3. Gdiapers. These seem so cool but I'm not 100% ready to commit to a full set so we'll play it by ear. I've heard good things. From what I've heard they're the best of both the disposable and cloth diapering worlds.

 

4. Badger Basket Moses Basket. I have high hopes for this company. everything they make looks amazing. I really wanted the corner changing table too but we were given a normal one. I'm still setting it up next to the crib so I don't have to change diapers sideways. Anyway, We already have this basket as well and I'm pretty impressed by it. it's nothing fancy but that's why I like it. you can rock baby to sleep in it and in the morning carry the basket into the bathroom with you while you shower or into the kitchen while you make breakfast. it's a super good idea, right?

 

5. Weleda Baby Shampoo. So I was given a sampler of Weleda baby products when Betty was born and they were all nice but this is the only stuff we ran out of and we ran out of it immediately. Why? The smell! I love the smell of this shampoo I would sit and sniff Betty's head for hours after each bath - it's heavenly. I have incredibly sensitive skin too but there's nothing irritating or fake in this... just goodness.

 

6. Graco Snugride 35. So if you've read my blog you know that Graco makes the safest and most well loved infant seat around so it was a given that I'd register for this particular seat. We had the Graco 32 for Betty but it has since expired. With Betty it was given to us when we were three months pregnant so it was a very gender neutral seat - super cute though. I'm really excited this time to get a super feminine seat for our little girl.

 

7. Wubbanub Lamb. This is really cute in theory and it has already been gifted to us but I have my doubts. I super hope it works but I know there was no way I was ever going to get Betty to take this kind of pacifier. Let's hope this little one does. We'll bring it to the hospital and let it be the first one she's given. think it'll work?

 

 

 

 

My Sunday Best (Really more like "It's Sunday... What Fits?")

 

Betty really did want to be in the picture. The skirt was a hand-me-down from Aunt Judy. The shirt I bought years ago from The Buckle - and it's working a little too hard. The jacket is my old standby from Target. I'm getting a little too big to fit my old clothes and I'm still a little too small for most maternity clothes. This is definitely the awkward stage.

Five on Friday.

Today I am tired. I spent 90 minutes in the pool with Betty and it wore me out but if paid off! Right after we decided to stay in the pool for more than our usual hour Betty began to propel herself through the water without my help at all. (She did have pool noodles and a back bubble.) But for the last two weeks she has been absolutely terrified to let go of me. She chased me across the entire length of the pool five times today! I'm so proud. I know she was super pleased with herself too. It was a golden moment for sure. Anyway, My energy is spent and Betty's already twenty minutes into her nap - she never naps. So today is a Pinterest day! And here are the five pins I'm most excited about today.

1.

I'm really interesting in improving my picture-taking skills and this looks super easy to understand.

2.

 I love this. My little peanut is so sensitive and it's the hardest thing in the world to watch kids be purposefully mean to her. Every time it happens though I remind myself that it's just an opportunity to teach her a lesson about the importance of kindness.

 

3.

A.A. Milne has been speaking to me a lot lately.

4.

How cute is this! Adorable. Click on the photo - It's a link.

 

 

5.

 

I'm so excited to read more fairytales to Betty. She is already SO imaginative. I love her mind and all the worlds she creates.

 

 

 

there you have it - my Friday five. if one of my links doesn't work message me and I'll fix it!

Bon Week-end!

58 lessons I Want My Daughter to Grow Up Knowing

I read this post recently and was inspired by it. I've stolen a few and highlighted them in red. I'm sure I'll keep adding to this list and update it in installments. Do you have anything to add? What's most important to you?

1. Jesus Loves you. He Died for you. Surrender your life to him and you will never thirst.
2. Always be kinder than you feel.
3. Don't worry about looking silly to other people. As Amy Poehler says "There's power in looking silly and not caring that you do."
4. Don't let your insecurities impact your decisions - no matter what the decision is you'll end up regretting it.
5. Don't let your pride keep you from hearing people.
6. If you find Something you love to do keep loving it.
7. Books are the best.
8. You have a sweet, gentle and compassionate spirit. If you ever need to feel grounded tap into that.
9. An afternoon spent creatively is an afternoon well spent.
10. We can not hide from what scares us. Stand tall, you are significant and you don't need to prove your worth to anyone.
11. Beauty fades, Character doesn't.
12. A single act of kindness can change the world. Love is the most powerful thing there is.
13. The world owes you nothing. You are living from it, perhaps you should do what you can to improve it.
14. The human soul is infinite in depth. Don't be too quick to judge another.
15. Your mind is powerful, while remaining peaceful is the goal, speaking your mind with love is ideal.
16. A genuine person collects genuine friends - don't act a part for anyone.
17. Prayer should be an instinct but that takes practice.
18. If you are always striving to improve yourself you're already successful.
19. If you don't want a boy to meet your Daddy you don't want that boy.
20. Your life is your legacy. Treat it with respect.
21. Protect your heart. Charisma is only on the surface - If you love yourself you don't need anyone's flattery.
22. Defend others in need.
23. Helping others ends up helping you in surprising ways. But the goal, of course, is to help others.
24. Be there for friends in need - another opportunity is not a guarantee.
25. Only boring people are bored. Only small people act out to cure boredom.
26. Your body belongs to you and your future husband. Save it. Despite what society tells you, you won't be missing anything.
27.  Life won't give you a fairy tale but if you live a good life you might just inspire one.
28. Travel. Learn new customs and adapt.
29. Pain breeds compassion and compassion is endlessly valuable.
30. I will always be your best friend but your mother more.
31. The divine reveals himself in nature, take time to appreciate it.
32. Don't say things about another unless you could and would want to say them to their face.
33. People believe what you tell them and remember it. The best option is to speak honestly.
34. Don't wait to find happiness in other people. You have to create it for yourself.
35. If it makes you feel uncomfortable it's not worth it.
36. Don't seek opportunities to be right. They happen too much when you're not seeking them. Save your corrections for things that are really important.
37. Accept correction from others. It's not an insult, it's an aid. If you can handle criticism well you have no reason to feel defensive.
38. Every person you will ever meet can teach you something you didn't know before.
39. Don't rush your life away and don't try to control it. The plan God has for you is better than the plan you have for you.
40. "In this life we cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love." Mother Teresa.
41. There are as many ways to live as there are people in this world and every world view has value.
42. Exercise is good for every part of you.
43. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4: 6 -7
-If you let worry take over it will consume you. Keep Positive and be faithful.
44. Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8
45. You are smart, Kind and powerful.
46. How someone treats you says more about who they are than who you are. Don't take it personally.
47. Before you get offended by something try to think of ten other possible motivating scenarios than the one you are currently upset about. More often than not it's not the one but one of the ten.
48. A hug is powerful medicine.
49. Don't worry if you haven't seen someone in a while - pick up right where you left off.
50. Writing letters will never go out of style. It's always good to make someone you love feel special.
51. Never underestimate the power of good food.
52. There is nothing you can ever do that will make me love you more.
53. There is nothing you can ever do that will make me love you less.
54. I'm thankful every day that I'm the lucky woman who gets to be your mother. I feel like the luckiest woman ever for that.
55. You will never be perfect in this life and you don't need to be... God's grace is enough.
56. Life is hard, don't let it harden you.
57. Give people a lot of grace. They give you more than you know.
58. If all else fails, laugh.

Sleeping Betty

I just was writing the post I intended to publish tonight when it took a sharp turn for the worse and ended up being really sad and depressing. I started trying to focus on happy things and didn't have to look far as my precious daughter is fast asleep right next to me. What is it about sleeping children that makes them look so perfect? I just stare at Betty when she sleeps. I wonder what she dreams about. Probably Zac and Weezy from her favorite show, dragon tales. I'm pretty sure they're her imaginary friends.  She was singing and dancing in her sleep the other morning. Old Macdonald. The days are so filled with her personality, her Ideas and wishes and sweet affectionate moments that it's hard to imagine what she's doing in dream land. I love her world. I love how happy and innocent life is for her. I love how happy I can make her by showing her new things. I wish I could be that happy about glitter or the ABCs. She's so pure and beautiful. I'm so thankful that she's in my life - I tell her that. Even though she's still my little peanut, she makes my world so much bigger. Each night she snuggles up in her "comfy comfy blanket with the yellow stripes and the wipe stripes" and drifts off to her own little world. What a beautiful world a mind like hers must create. I want to go there too. A land filled with squishy dinosaurs, friendly dragons, cookies, lollipops, ballerinas and Jesus whom she's learning about in Awana. Every morning I tell her I missed her while she was sleeping and ask her what she dreams about. She always says me because she knows it makes me smile - that's how sweet she is. I'm so lucky to know such a sweetie pie and so thankful that God picked me to be her Mommy. Good night, all. I hope your dreams are sweet too.

Pumpkin Time!

This is turning into a yearly tradition! yay!

 

 

Does anybody know how to get the option back to edit pictures? It stops working after one or two and it's super annoying.

Life Without Make-Up

"Choosing to live Unveiled"

I guess I'll start this by saying there was a time in my life when I was completely dependent upon make-up. When I first met Chad, I remember talking about how I had to wear make-up to leave my house and he of course told me I didn't need it. how often do we hear that? That summer I remember gathering all of my courage and going to work without any make-up on. I made it until lunch and, rather than eating, ran to a local drug store and bought concealer and I think mascara, and spent the rest of my lunch hour applying "my face." That seems pretty sad to me now. I can't estimate exactly how long it's been since I've worn make-up but I know I haven't seen any of my make-up since we moved into our new house so I would guess it's been since March - at least six months. Several things lead to my decision to give it up.

1. I don't need another crutch in my life. Sure there are flaws that I don't like about myself but everyone has those and covering them up just sends the wrong kind of message. The older I've become the more I've actually learned that I appreciate my flaws. Features I used to want to change because they made me different I actually embrace now. I see that I've passed them on to my daughter and I think they are the most beautiful thing in the world on her. I don't want to teach her to be ashamed of them. I don't need to hide my imperfections from anyone - I'm proud of them. I'm secure with them. I have dark circles under my eyes. Growing up I had people ask me who punched me. They can be pretty intense, but I don't notice them and if I get enough rest other people don't either. Sometimes I think it looks pretty.

2. I've heard women refer to their make-up by many different names. Armor, shield, comfort blanket, mask.  What are we protecting ourselves from? I think the need to cover our faces is a manifestation of our need to hide who we are. It's pressure from society to fit a certain mold but unless you're on TV you're not really hiding anything. Even "natural" make-up still cakes and smears and if you're covering something like acne or scars it often makes them way more obvious and worse later on. It's a vicious cycle. If I see a woman with a lot of make-up caked over acne bumps now I just feel really bad for her. I don't ever think to myself "That girl is comfortable with herself." More often I think "wow, she's really trying hard." or "wow, she must really be self-conscious." Because I know that's how I felt and you can see it in a woman's eyes when she doesn't feel good about herself - in her posture. That is never not the case with a woman buried in layers of make-up. Make-up is a false sense of security in that way. There is a definite difference between getting gussied up and trying out fun new styles with make-up for a special night out and needing to wear make-up every single day to feel safe like I used to. I know of women who will actually apply make-up in front of a date because they can't bear to go one more second with him seeing her fresh faced. What kind of message are we sending to others and to ourselves if our security is found in something so superficial? What kind of message are we sending to our children?

3. Make-up is time consuming. I'm at a point in my life when my time is precious. I really don't want Betty to see me fussing over my appearance every day when I have trouble getting so many other things done in a timely manner. I like to get gussied up on special occasions but every day is completely unnecessary and detrimental to a healthy lifestyle - which we're far from having but are always striving toward.

4. If you're happy on the inside you're attractive on the outside. That's really all there is to it. My opinion is obviously not the one that matters to most women but still, the most beautiful women I've ever met in my life probably had dark circles or visible pimples or whatever but I don't remember because I remember how they were shining with confidence and self-acceptance. I remember big smiles and sparkly eyes. Make-up covers a lot of imperfections but I think it also covers a lot of what makes us beautiful. Fresh faces are beautiful. Laughter is beautiful. Everything else is false and gets in the way.

After living this long without make-up I feel myself being happier and more content. It seems odd to me that I ever worried about it. I hear women close to me apologize if I catch them off guard "sorry, I don't have any make-up on."

What?

 Now I want to be clear and make sure you all know I'm not some militant anti-make-up activist. I'm all for getting dolled up and feeling special for a night out with the girls but if you do it every day it's not special anymore. Also, and certainly not a secondary thought, My skin is SO much better now. My acne, if there, disappears shortly after I wake up and it just looks healthier altogether. I feel pretty when I go out and I feel like myself. I'm not at all self-conscious when people look at my face. I used to think "is my eyeliner smeared?" and then rush to a mirror. that doesn't happen anymore. The most important point in all of this is that it took me several months to get to that point. I would challenge any women who are like I was, addicted, to go six months to a year without make-up. you'll be a happier person for it I guarantee it.

Here's me as I am. Zero make-up, zero filters. just clean skin... flaws and all.

My Sunday Best

So here I am 16 weeks and 2 days pregnant and already plotting out my nursing attire for when baby comes. Last time I used a cover and my regular clothes - yes, even underwire bras. My reasoning last time around was that there were virtually zero places to buy nursing wear in our Alaska town. This time, however, I'm forgoing the traditional nursing designs because, well... they're gross. I hate the nursing tanks with the clasps on the straps - so frustrating. I also hate that most nursing shirts are also maternity shirts so that when the baby is out and the idea would ideally be to downplay the size of your belly, you're still wearing huge clothes designed to accentuate your floppy stomach. Why not design affordable nursing shapewear? why not design nursing tanks that can open from the front rather than the top? It seems like common sense to me but clearly I'm alone in this because it's almost impossible to find these things. Solution? I'll make and compile them myself. My other issue with nursing is that of the nursing cover. Yes, I believe in modesty but I also believe in being able to use both of my hands to care for my baby. I also know that those large nursing covers do little to detract attention from a nursing mother, in fact, if you're struggling beneath the cover the movement and odd shaped tent will only attract unwanted attention. Solution? Wear user friendly nursing tank tops (preferably with shape wear.) and flowy or ruffly shirts that will act as their own covers. I'm due in march and I was all jazzed about an infinity nursing scarf, I'm still excited about it, but I'm also due in the spring which means the majority of my early nursing will take place in the summer - not the time to be wearing a scarf everywhere. My whole thing is to embrace simplicity and eliminate unnecessary complications. I don't need a nursing cover to nurse in public comfortably, In fact, I believe it would only be an impediment, so why drag it around? Anyway. I've been thrifting and shopping and pinteresting and here is my first maternity outfit that will eventually double as a cute nursing outfit, although I'm sure I'll stretch out the tank top long before then and need another. I'll be making them and I'll show you how I do it soon!.

 

I like this blouse a lot because it has long sleeves and the back is super cute, look at the buttons! plus it's flowy enough to act as it's own nursing cover. Even though nothing I'm wearing is designed for nursing mothers, I could easily and comfortably breastfeed while wearing this. plus it's cute maternity wear.                                                                                                       

 

Blouse - Thrifted. Tank Top - Delias.com. Skirt - Target Maternity. Bra - Wal mart spaghetti strapped bandeau bra.

My Birth Plan

So I know it's really early to be thinking about this but bear with me. I've been pregnant on and off for almost a year now, over ten months at least, and there are a lot of things I've been thinking about. Today I went through a pre-made birth plan checklist and it terrified me. it detailed every possible thing that could go wrong and at the end I didn't feel like I was gaining control over my own situation, I felt helpless and vulnerable. I was not a fan of that process. I think for my birth plan short and sweet will be the basic idea (hopefully of labor too.) Having been through child birth before I think I'm definitely at an advantage when it comes to knowing what I do and do not want. I keep looking at samples of birth plans and they remind me of bad poetry. How can anyone expect busy nurses and doctors to find time to read that? I couldn't even read it and I was in my pajamas watching Betty watch Dragon Tales. I wasn't exactly pressed for time. Here's my basic idea of what I want it to say although I'm sure I'll tweak it in the next 26 weeks.

Birth Plan 2014

I understand that labor is something I can not control but I do have a few preferences. Thank you for reading through each of them.

• I would like ONLY the people I request in the room before and during labor. If anyone else comes by I don't even want to know about it until after delivery.
• I would like to be notified before any surgical procedure (episiotomy) unless there isn't time because of medical necessity. I understand that it is likely I will have to have another episiotomy - if I do, please, please, PLEASE trim the thread from the sutures so that it doesn't get caught in my clothing. That was awful.
• I would like the lights dimmed and all people in the room to speak in soft tones.
• Please don't offer me a mirror. I don't want to see anything I can't unsee.
• Please don't offer me drugs, and if I ask for them please try and talk me out of them if that's legal. If drugs do become part of the picture, please only mention the least intense option.
• I would like to listen to music - we'll bring it.
• I don't want to hear a single cell phone buzz, beep or ring. I can't be responsible for what happens to your phone if someone calls you, they can wait and so can you. For my designated people, please make sure your family has the hospital number and have the nurses pass you a note. It is extremely important that there are no cell phones in that room!
• I would like to be reminded to remove any articles of clothing that will get in the way of skin to skin after birth.
• I would like to help catch the baby and then transfer him or her right to my chest.
• I would like to be mostly unaware of anyone other than my child and my husband after birth. If all unnecessary persons would please leave afterward I would really appreciate it.
• I don't want to be separated from my baby until after he or she has nursed on both sides.
• I would like to wait as long as we can before putting the gunk in baby's eyes so that we can bond. Not too long of course, safety first.
• I don't want my baby to spend any time at all outside of my room or my sight if possible. If the baby needs to leave my husband needs to be present at all times.
• I would like to have a birthing tub, a birthing bar and a birthing ball available to me during labor.
• I would really appreciate being walked through each step of what's happening and all of my options. Assume I know absolutely nothing about what's going on. It's pretty close to the truth.

6 Ways Marriage has made me a better person.

I think we're all naïve before marriage. I've seen it in myself and I've seen it reflected in the attitudes of those who are newly engaged. Every newly engaged person I've ever spoken to has the same belief - That their marriage will be better than all the flawed ones they see around them because they're going to do it right. I remember thinking that. Sometimes I still do. Inevitably, though, we learn the truth, don't we? That no marriage can be perfect because no two people are perfect but that doesn't mean a marriage can't be wonderful. I think that's the genius behind the whole wedding process. a couple can't easily go through the stress of planning and orchestrating a wedding without at least one indignant huff or exasperated eye roll. I think those first signs of annoyance, the first pop in the "ideal marriage" bubble, is the first sign that things are going to be okay. (It's the people who refuse to acknowledge they're not perfect that scare me.) Marriage is work, sometimes hard work, and hard work builds character. I think it's impossible to build a life with another person without completely losing the life you held before, the self you were before. Marriage completely changes your priorities and your sense of purpose and it's impossible to really know what you're getting into beforehand. Here are some ways my marriage has improved me as  human being.

1. I'm a better listener. I didn't realize before hand how often I just pretend to listen while my focus is really on facebook or the tv or whatever is happening in front of me. I used to get annoyed with how often Chad wanted my attention because it would be cutting into my "me" time, now as both a wife and a mother I know "me time" is a myth and I really enjoy the fact that Chad cares enough about what I think to confide in me. I didn't realize before that, even though he's been thinking everything through for probably longer than I can imagine, he still needs and wants to talk me through his thought process so that I'll know how he arrived at his final conclusion. This used to seem really tedious to me because I tend to arrive at conclusions more quickly. I use an "it either is or it isn't" type mentality that is totally not my husband. I don't know if it's the difference between men and women or just the difference between Chad and myself but it's been a big deal to learn how to appreciate each other's needs and learn how to communicate with one another.

2. I'm constantly made aware of how little I know about my husband. Even though Chad and I didn't even date for a full year before we got married I still stubbornly believed I was somehow the expert on all things Chad. We didn't really spend much time getting to know each other just after marriage either. The first six months to a year after we got married we still lived pretty independently and just did our own thing. It felt very much like having a room mate. Now however, we talk everyday, meaningfully, we joke a lot and laugh together and I'm constantly learning things about either Chad's childhood or his theology or his opinions on Miley Cyrus. Seeing him as a dad created a massive shift in the way I view my husband. The most amazing thing is that I'm not surprised anymore when Chad surprises me. I've grown accustomed to it and I love it. I love that he is able to surprise me and I love that none of his stories or anecdotes are boring. when you're single I think you're inclined to be quite shallow, to think that people are pretty one-dimensional. Being married I can now see that the human soul is infinite in depth. That Chad will never run out of amusing or surprising things to say to me and that I can be pretty certain I'll spend the rest of my life laughing at his jokes and enjoying his company.

3. Marriage has made me more honest. As a single person I think we build our own reality. I get really annoyed when I hear the phrase "I'm the type of person who... fill in the blank." because it's generally coming from someone who maybe doesn't have the best grasp on how they appear to other people. I shouldn't get annoyed because that was me before marriage. I think a lot of us create this fictional identity that we think we fill and the biggest shock of marriage is the realization that you were wrong about yourself. I thought I was pretty smart but here's this person telling me I'm wrong... a lot. I thought I was compassionate but here's this person making me feel as though I'm being selfish. I thought I was honest but here's this person expecting me to tell them exactly how much money I spent on something. I thought I was pretty humble but here's this person acting like I'm being arrogant. How dare they judge me. But they can judge because they see you better than anyone and that is a really hard thing for our pride. When Chad tells me I'm in the wrong, he's generally right, especially when it comes to offenses I may have committed against other people. that is a bitter pill to swallow. I read somewhere (or maybe Chad told me) That marriage is the most perfect mirror in which to view our own sin. everything is laid bare and we're forced to acknowledge the ugly parts of ourselves that we were previously able to brush under the rug. I say this has made me more honest because I'm no longer able to lie to myself about who I am. Marriage has made me face my flaws head on and address issues I would have otherwise chosen to ignore.

4. Marriage has made me stand up for myself more and I mean this in a very specific sense. Because we didn't date for very long we weren't able to fully take advantage of premarital counseling so we went through it for a while as newlyweds. During one of our sessions our pastor asked me if I thought I felt I was able to maintain my personality. He said that often a husband will be dominant and overshadow his wife's personality so much that she'll no longer really be free to be herself. (or something like that.) I'm certainly far from the submissive wifey and Chad is entirely not like the archetypal domineering husband figure but years later I found myself remembering that conversation. It happened very slowly and I'm quite sure it happened both ways but it did happen. When Chad's siblings or friends would come to visit he would suggest fun things for them to go do and not invite me. I'd be sad about it and later ask him quite pathetically why he didn't invite me. Several times his answer was "because I didn't think that would be something you'd enjoy doing." It wouldn't have hurt my feelings for him to just spend one on one time with people close to him but it did hurt my feelings that he would assume without asking that I wouldn't like to do something - often times the activity in question was something I really would have enjoyed doing and I was often confused by the whole scenario. It never served me well to act wounded by this because Chad honestly thought he was being considerate of me but this goes back to number two. I know that there is plenty about me that Chad doesn't know and even more so at that particular point in time. I also know that he will never know these parts of my personality if I don't make him aware of them. I felt hurt, I felt like he was excited to get away from me, I felt like he didn't want to make decisions with me as a team but was operating as a team with other people, I didn't feel cherished or enjoyed and basically I just felt left out. He had absolutely no idea I was feeling any of this and the longer I waited to tell him the more intense my confrontation would be. At this point in our marriage, I understand how to tell him when something hurts my feelings - gently. I also know that because I've said these things to him in an atmosphere free of accusations and anger that he knows the effect those actions had and he has made consistent efforts to figure out what would be fun for me to do, even when people aren't around. I also understand that if I want to have my own time I just need to speak up because Chad doesn't understand that it is hard for me to come by also. Again, I am more than supportive of him having one on one time with those closest to him. I just don't want to be consistently excluded because I "wouldn't enjoy" what they're doing anyway because that's just not the case.

5. Marriage has made me a lot less selfish. Not selfless, mind you, but a lot less selfish. There are so many differences between single life and married life. From the time I wake up until I go to sleep I need to know that Chad is going to be prepared for his day. He is incredibly self sufficient, of course but I still hate whenever he needs something and feel like a failure if I haven't anticipated something he needs. Whether or not I'm that much of a help I'm always thinking of what I need to do to make life easier on him. I know his pet peeves so I focus on those and try my darnedest to find extra ways to bless him. I try to run the errands he needs run and special projects he needs done. this often does not end up getting done as little Betty does keep my hands pretty full, especially when I'm also pregnant and not feeling great but it's a goal at the very least that I would not have imagined having before marriage.

6. Marriage has taught me to keep my mouth shut. not entirely but way more than before. I have learned that if I question whether something is truly necessary it probably isn't, and is better left unsaid. that goes for statements both about my husband and to my husband. It's just better not to keep something going if it might be better off dropped. Just like here, I've said all I needed to say. God bless and have a good weekend. (Is it labor day? I can never remember)

My Least Favorite Baby Products

So for part two of this little baby item installment I'll cover the items that I ultimately considered a waste of money. Most of the baby websites out there have registry suggestion list that make new moms believe they need to buy everything on them or your baby won't be awesome. That's just not the case. The only reason they put so many items on that list is so that you'll spend money on them but you do not need all of it. Here is my list of baby items that we would have been better off not having.

1. A Wipe Warmer. This thing just took up space. We put wipes in it occasionally but it really only served as a wipe holder. The whole concept is flawed as you will not always be right next to the wipe warmer when changing diapers. What happens when baby grows accustomed to warm wipes and then suddenly has the shock of a cold wipe when you go to a friends house for dinner? Sorry baby. This item is definitely not worth the money.

2. Diaper Genie.
 I know lots of people love their diaper genies but I thought it was gross. We were given a hand me down one and it still had an odor to it (I may have been more aware of it because I was pregnant.) But at any rate we replaced it with a brand new one but it still grossed me out. you have to shove the diaper through the slot so hard that the contents can squish out on your hand or on the sides and it fills up super quickly which I found quite inconvenient. Also it didn't eliminate the odor like it was supposed to. We ended up just using a normal trash can because if we're going to have to change it regularly we might as well have something easier to change.

3. The pacifiers with a thermometer built in... or rather any thermometer other than the temporal artery thermometers or rectal thermometers.
I still don't recommend rectal thermometers but at least the work. Betty would never use a normal oral thermometer - she hated them. The pacifier one simply does not work and the strips you're supposed to hold to the forehead don't work either. Oh, and the ear thermometers are completely inaccurate. The Temporal Artery Thermometer works really well. everything else is just frustrating

4. Changing pad covers.
These things got so dirty so quickly they were all in the dirty laundry before I even had a chance to wash them. My baby had some pretty explosive diapers (sorry) and I'm told that that is to be expected of newborns. We ended up just using washcloths under baby's bum so that changing it would be easy and we'd be able to do it with one hand (are you noticing a pattern here?) if it can be accomplished with one hand instead of two I support it. There are just too many times when it's inconvenient to put baby down and, for me, that was one of them.

5. Apron style nursing covers.
I don't hate these. I used mine a lot and it was very pretty but looking back it was awkward. I always had to sit with my back against the wall or else my back and side (with flab and stretch marks) would be exposed. Betty would kick it off and leave me struggling to cover myself and both of my arms would be monopolized underneath the cover. This time around I'm using an infinity scarf nursing cover like this one. Your back and sides are covered, you have one arm free and it's light enough to breathe and falls in the right place to monitor baby without covering your entire front. Plus it kind of just looks like a piece of clothing so it's not as conspicuous. The Apron style covers are supposed to be for discrete nursing but lets be honest, everyone knows what's happening while you struggle to get situated under your tarp... especially if it's bright yellow or something which seems to be a pretty popular color choice. Uncomfortable.

What are your least favorite baby items? Do you strongly disagree with any of my picks? let me know!

My Favorite Baby Things

So if you're very observant (or if you've spoken to me at all in the last six weeks.) you'll know that I'm pregnant again! We've seen our baby three different times and we heard the heartbeat for the first time yesterday! We're pretty excited as I'm sure you can imagine. I've already begun collecting supplies for new baby. I was searching the blogosphere this morning for posts about registering for a second child and I found a post that was quite interesting over at alphamom.com. in it, Amy detailed the products she found both the most and the least useful for her two children and I was shocked to discover that three of the items she'd listed as least useful were some of the most useful for me when Betty was a baby!

But how can that be? My baby loved them so they must be universally well loved, right? clearly not. both of her babies were boys and, I have never met them so I can't even guess at their temperaments, but I do know that Betty was a very easy baby to care for and a girl. She didn't gripe a whole lot about anything and was pretty happy for the most part. I'd take credit for it if I could but I can't. I just got lucky. My doctors called her a "sucker baby" as she was sure to sucker me into having another one that might be trouble. Anyway, this got me thinking and I think I'll share with you my own personal list of the most useful new baby things I had when Betty was little. They were great for me but my baby is my baby and your baby will be your baby... He or she might hate all of them. I guess that's part of the "fun" of the first part of parenthood.

here's the link to the other list"
http://alphamom.com/pregnancy/the-five-most-and-least-useful-baby-products/

Betty's Best Baby Things:

1. Our Graco travel system. ( the car seat being the most important part - Graco makes great car seats.) Of course you need a good car seat but the great thing about having the travel system, other than that it matched and looked so cute, was how convenient it was. I honestly can't imagine trying to travel across the country, like I did several times, without it. Traveling with a baby with multiple connections is stressful, especially if you're lugging all of your stuff through the airport. The travel system was great because I could click in the car seat, shove the car seat base into the storage basket underneath, put my tickets in the main compartment on the handle and put my purse/ diaper bag in the stroller seat underneath the car seat along with any blankets or lovies I may have brought with me. this way I avoided checking her precious car seat (which can cause tremendous damage to the seat making it less safe)  and I had a very convenient way to get everything around without actually weighing down my body. I even got a professional massage in Seattle while Betty napped peacefully at arms reach. it was AWESOME! another reason this is great is that if you've only bought one seat and planned your little one to ride as a lap infant you can still have your car seat on hand if another seat opens up. It is, of course, much safer for the little one to be buckled into their own secure seat while flying in case of turbulence. The first thing I would do when getting to my gate would be to ask if there was an open seat and more often than not there was. People would gladly move to make room for me and we never had to pay for the extra seat. Only a couple times did Betty have to ride on my lap and when that did happen. I just dropped her stroller and car seat (already clicked into the base so as not to damage either) at the door of the plane before boarding and it was waiting for me when I right outside the door when I got off the plane again. The lot of it was so easy to operate and put back together that I could easily do it with one hand. people were often very impressed with the stroller. I honestly can't say enough how great it was.
this one is very similar to the one I had.
 P.S. Chad just told me that he loved having the Graco travel system for when Betty had fallen asleep in her carseat. It is really nice to be able to transfer a sleeping baby from car to stroller or vice versa without disturbing them. We literally used this every time we went out for a long time. It made life much more enjoyable.

2. A messenger style Diaper bag, or cross body bag. I have never been able to understand how other parents cope with the regular "purse" style diaper bags like this one. I tried wresting with one of those for like five minutes before I decided it was garbage and needed to be destroyed. I love the cross body bags because you don't need your arms to hold it so your arms are then free to hold baby which is great for travel, but also great for every day life. If you've got a massive bag on your arm and a baby in your arms also, how are you supposed to fish something out of your bag when you need it? You're not. You have to stop and put your bag on the ground (yuck) and then kneel or squat with your baby and fish through it awkwardly. If the bag is just hanging from your body you can hold baby with one arm and search with the other. you don't even need to stop if you're bag is well organized. everything is right within reach. So much easier! I honestly don't think I would've ever left my house if I didn't have a good bag, I would've been way too stressed out about it. For Betty we just bought a nice red and brown Timbuktu bag from ebay. My thinking was that it would be manly enough for Chad to use which was right but he didn't end up using it all that much. Big shock, haha! As mommy, and stay-at-home-mommy, at that. I will be the one using the bag so this time I opted for something more attractive. Side note: chad now uses the Timbuktu bag daily as his lunch box so I was right about it being manly enough. This is the bag we have for this time around. I'm really not too worried about it being too girly for Chad when he does use it though as he has grown accustomed to holding my purse when we shop or when I take Betty to the potty or whatever. I think at this point he's secure enough with himself to use a bag with flowers. haha.

3. The Ergobaby carrier. We didn't discover this little peach until Betty was already a couple months old but it was an amazing addition. We had a couple different types of carriers before finally buying an ergo on ebay and no matter how we adjusted the straps my back would be in crazy amounts of pain and Betty didn't look comfortable either. It was hard to go for walks which was hard because we tried to go for walks often. I never tried slings. Here's why. And for trail walks the stroller was just not practical but the ergo was a God send. it is so comfy and so easy to use. you can strap yourself and your little one in without any help from anyone (I bring this travelling also.)  And you can wear it several different ways. It's a front carrier, a backpack and a hip carrier all in one. I highly recommend the Ergo carrier to everyone with a new baby. We'll be buying the infant insert for this one to see how that works but I've heard great things. Here's the ergo we have.

4. The Fisher-price Rainforest Open-Top Cradle Swing. I did not register for this, I didn't even know it existed, but my aunt and uncle and cousins bought it as a baby shower present and it was amazing. Betty loved it. This one was great because it swings baby either front to back or side to side which is great because Betty didn't always want to be swung the same way she had been the day before and also, when friends came over with their kiddos, they could use it too and it would swing just like their swings at home. I was able to get so much done that otherwise would have been impossible because of this swing. It plays music or rain forest sounds and it plugs in or can be battery operated. It does take up a lot of space so I'm not quite sure where you would take it that it couldn't be plugged in but whatever. I'm sure such a place exists. Anyway, we don't have it anymore but it is a must-buy for sure this time around.

5. The Fisher-Price Soothe and Glow Seahorse. We had a nice crib soother but Betty slept in a bassinet in our room so we got virtually zero use out of it. This seahorse was awesome because we could put it next to her wherever she slept - it went to daycare with her every day. Betty had some rough nights and she loved white noise. We'd run the shower, the vacuum, the washing machine, whatever worked but the thing that was most successful (luckily) was this cute little seahorse. It would just put her right to sleep and then glow out. It has no buttons or small parts all it takes is a squeeze and its back on. Super handy.

6. Our Papasan style bouncy seat. This was great to have in addition to the swing for when I just needed half a second to myself, like when I had to go to the bathroom. I set the papasan just inside the bathroom door and showered or whatever I needed to do while baby looked at the toys hanging from above her or the steam from the shower. Our batteries ran out after a while but Betty didn't seem to mind too much when it stopped vibrating - although that feature did seem to put her to sleep pretty quickly. She was never out of my sight or more than an arm's reach from me and I still felt free to care for myself. I was definitely on a timer though so I had to hurry.

7. Mylicon drops. We only needed to use this a couple of times but when we used it, it worked! For those annoying burps that just wont burp and make baby scream and scream. Or for tummy bubbles that just wont stop. I was hesitant to use anything but I read up on this and it's designed for itty bitty little ones. another mother recommended it to me and I was certainly glad to have it when I needed it.

8. Little Noses Saline Drops. These, again, were a huge help when needed and were another surprise gift from another mom. I never would have even thought of it. the weird nasal aspirators do work but only for a few minutes it seems. one little drop of this stuff and Betty was breathing clearly for the rest of the day.

those are my favorites. let me know what yours were! I'm always interested in new discoveries!

Pity Party

So National Infertility Awareness Week is coming up in April (yes this is a little early for that but it's long overdue for me.) I'm going to take a moment here to talk about infertility and loss of pregnancy. I usually try to keep this blog pretty upbeat but this won't be very peppy so bear with me.

Infertility...
It sucks.
Trying to conceive a baby and failing is hard. It's frustrating, it's emotionally exhausting, it's overwhelming, confusing, depressing and stressful. It's fresh mourning every single month and dealing with all of this is completely isolating. Going through a miscarriage after struggling with infertility is crushing. The people closest to you can't empathise because they never knew the child you've lost but, as it's mother, your bond was immediate and powerful and it doesn't go away. It's lonely because it's unfair to expect anyone to know how to react when you talk about it. people understand death. they don't understand loss of pregnancy. It's not real to anybody but you. So all your mourning is in private and you learn to tolerate insensitive remarks and questions from well-meaning people around you.

"It will happen when you stop trying."

"At least you have one child."

"I'm sorry, I know how badly you wanted this."

They hand out pampthlets and books and fliers when you become pregnant but nothing is given to you when you have a miscarriage. Apparently "What to Expect when you're no Longer Expecting" would not look as good on a doctor's office shelf... but it would have been helpful.

The main things I've learned are that it's always okay to cry about it - that's healthy. And it's not necessary to feel obligated to talk about it with everyone. You shouldn't talk about it with some people until you've gotten your emotional bearings again because, even though they mean well, they'll only make you feel worse. Good news though, you do get your emotional bearings back.

On The NIAW website it says;

Since 1989 RESOLVE has organized National Infertility Awareness Week®. Now we ask you to help us and join the movement to...

• Bring infertility support groups to every community.
• Increase and protect access to all family building options.
• Help change the conversation about infertility

If you're struggling with infertility or with the loss of a pregnancy you don't have to do it alone. Go to this website http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/home-page.html, find a support group, email me! There are people out there who understand.